Remember

Remember when I didn't have pain everyday

Remember when I didn't have to think about how to bend or not to twist or to elevate the bed of my patient's instead of bending over...just to listen to their lungs

Remember how I had used an ice pack less than 10 times in my life

Remember how I rarely ever took Ibuprofen

Remember how I could jump, run, twist, lift

Remember when I didn't have to think about how exactly to get out of bed correctly

Remember when I could cross through an intersection and not even think about someone running a red light

Remember when I couldn't relate to my patient's back pain

Remember when I didn't *really* know what they did during an MRI or CT scan

Remember when I didn't know just exactly how far my friends, family and especially husband would go to make sure my every need was met

Remember when I realized just how lucky I am to be living this life, to be able to clean my own house, bring in my own groceries, do my own laundry

Remember when I assumed things and judged people without having a CLUE of what they were going through

Remember when I had yet to experience God's healing so closely in my life

Remember how this strengthened my marriage, my calling as a nurse and my love for my family

Remember how God showed me that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I thank God for this pain. This pain serves as a reminder of the better person I am on the other side of the tough times. I'm thankful for what has happened because of that pain. My back may be screaming at me at the end of a 12 hour shift.... but it's screaming "I'm soo thankful!!"

Thank you, God, for the pain. Thank you for putting me exactly where you put me at 6:30 am on Sunday, April 18th. Thank you for the way you love and nurture and the way you bring beauty from pain.

Maybe staying at home is not so overrated...

It's about that time.

One more week of physical therapy and then back to work! It's a bittersweet feeling. I can not tell you how thankful I am to be feeling so much better, but now that I'm feeling better I'm {really} enjoying being home all the time.

It's funny the things you become thankful for once you lose them. And you really can't be thankful for them {until} you lose them. I was so happy the first day I was able to carry my own groceries into my house that I almost cried. I remember bending over for the first time with no pain. Sleeping through the night without having to get up and go to the recliner. I am genuinely thankful for these things and so much more.

There are a few other things (good and bad) that I don't want to forget:

• Honestly not knowing (or caring) if it's Monday or Friday (this happened A LOT).
• Getting frustrated with something and immediately thinking "Ugh-where are my running shoes?!" then remembering I can't run!
• Feeling so guilty having to sit and watch Chad do the things I should be able to do around the house.
• Loving friends who brought dinner, cleaned my house & checked on me daily.
• Meeting mom for lunch everyday.
• Watching food network all day and cooking every night.
• The precious time spent with Mrs. Gateley learning how to sew.

I'm thankful I'm able to work and help provide. I'm thankful to be able to function normally. I'm thankful I can do laundry and vacuum and cook.

I will remind myself not to assume anything about anyone. They may have a broken back and you can't even tell. (Once, mom and I went to the flower store and I had to ask a guy to put some flowers into the back of the truck for me. I felt like such a snot, but if I said "Sorry, I can't lift. I have a broken back" He'd probably look at me like I was crazy!) You never know what is going on with people, mentally or physically.

Lastly-I will never forget how God healed me. The 2nd to last appointment I had I was expecting good news. I had 6 weeks left of medical leave from my job, anymore than that and I wouldn't have a job. I had a CT scan and X-rays first, then went to see Dr Reynolds. He came into my little room with a stern look on his face. He put up the CT scan and the X-ray, side-by-side. The CT didn't look much different than the very first one-L1 was still a scrambled mess and there was {no} new bone growth. The xray....was very strange looking. Something was obviously not right. Everything he said was a jumble, I can't remember it, but he did describe my x-ray as having "concerning scoliosis".

He said I am going to need 8-12 {more} weeks off, {then} 3-4 weeks of physical therapy. What?! In my head I had just lost my job and my life had just turned upside down. Made it to the car and was so upset, crying. (This is one of the times I really wanted my running shoes)

On June 11 I was running errands with my mom. We went to the feed store in Yukon. My mom is friends with the owner, Jerri. Her pastor and his wife happened to be there. After a long conversation about scripture and healing, they prayed for me-all 3 of them-right in the middle of the feed store. I knew I was healed, right at that second.

My next appointment was July 12th-one day after my medical leave had expired and my job was no longer 'protected'. I had a CT scan again that morning then went to see Dr Reynolds. I knew I was healed, but I couldn't wait to {see} it! He comes into my little room again, same stern look on his face. "Follow me," he says. So my mom and I go back to his office. He has 3 CT scans pulled up side-by-side on his computer. The day of the accident on the right, the last one in the middle and that day's on the left. He zooms in and shows how bad the fracture was, then zooms into the CT scan on the left-today's. Complete bone growth, all the way around. Absolutely no fracture. I will never forget Dr Reynolds saying, "This is really remarkable. I attribute it to your youth the way you healed." Dr Reynolds can attribute it to whatever he wants....

Mark 11:24

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer,

believe that you have received it,

and it will be yours."

Instead of 3-4 weeks of PT, I only needed 2 weeks. Luckily, my nice manager held my job for 2 extra weeks and I get to go back to doing what I love. Life is good because God is good.

Learning to Love

"Dear children,

let us not love with words or tongue,

but with actions and in truth."

1 John 3:18

It has been 4 weeks since my accident and Chad has lived out this verse. I was on my way to work on a rainy Sunday morning when an 18 year old girl carelessly ran a red light and pulled right out in front of me. Both cars were pretty mangled.

She was lucky enough to walk away with a scratch on her knee, while I suffered a 50% compression fracture at my L1 vertebrae, a fractured sternum and a 4 day stay in the hospital. I stayed for pain control and to make sure I didn't have a pericardial tear or any pulmonary contusions, which are very common with any chest wall injury. It's almost unheard of to break your sternum, it is the strongest bone in your body. And for good reason, it protects your heart. Almost always, with a sternal fracture there is some kind of chest wall injury. The Lord was protecting that part of my body.

"The LORD is my strength & my shield..."

Psalm 28:7

My mom helped me a lot in the hospital, but Chad hardly left my side. A lot of the time Chad seemed stunned, in a daze, shocked, and he didn't know what to do or say. Bless his heart. He told me later that he thought that this was the end of "me" as he knew it. He thought I would be constantly battling back pain and have to take pain medication on a daily basis. Praise the Lord for his healing powers and that so far, this has not happened.

Chad bent over backwards for me when I finally got to come home. Nights were rough, and still can be. I was unable to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. Then I had to carefully and slowly get out of bed and shuffle to the living room to sit in the recliner for a little pain control. I slept in the recliner the first two nights. Chad slept on the couch. Anytime I moved, he was up, helping me reposition or getting me a pain pill. He would say, "You need anything?" "Are you ok?" At one time he even said "I'll go buy a new couch if it will help you sleep...". He would do anything for me. I love that. Since I couldn't lay flat he spent a whole day drawing out a plan to build something out of wood to help raise one end of our bed. I never really understood it but he mentioned we would have to lay the wrong direction on the bed! Thankfully, we found Relax the Back and the nice people there helped us decide on a wedge pillow.

At a time like this I couldn't be more thankful for such an awesome, godly, soulmate and partner in life. He is perfect. He loves with all of his heart and he meets my needs. Somehow at times he knows what I need before I even ask! Like late one night my back was killing me and I needed a pain pill but didn't want to exert the effort that it took to climb out of bed (getting out of bed had become quite the process). I thought he was fast asleep, but he went and got me a pill and brought back crackers too-how did he know?! I never said a word. He's thoughtful. And he knows me. That's how.

I can't imagine going through this alone. He has helped pull me through. He makes me want to be strong. I love him with my whole heart and consider myself blessed.